Me in the beginning. Sounds simple enough but means so many things. Of course since the top of the year it sounds like a fresh start, resolutions and all that jazz. But that’s actually not it. It’s more. It’s internal, physical, spiritual. It’s my one word, plus the “action”words behind it. It’s a look at me, in this beginning right now.
It’s the beginning of a new day.
The beginning of a new routine.
The beginning of the inner work that is never done nor will it ever be.
It’s me in the beginning.
It’s who I am I and who do I want to be.
Even when I’m not sure.
Honestly, I don’t really have much to say because I feel like these 4 simples words say it all. But just a few things. Last year was tough. I started not quite sure what direction I was going in. And the truth is, I never figured it out. I literally did not do the work and then my inner struggles manifested into stillness but not the type that brings you clarity. And then my body almost decided it had enough. But as I believe, God wasn’t done with me yet. And he’s still not done.
But here I am beginning again. And speaking of God, my one word is simple: FAITH!
In this life process
Because at the end of the day, I am still here and I get to begin again.
I am scared. I am scared that God will actually be done with me in this present life and that my body will comply. I still don’t trust my body. I’m scared my children will grow up without me somewhat broken but in a different way than I was when I was born. I’m scared that I don’t have the strength to do the work to heal the brokenness inside of me. Not just my body but what lies deep in the core of who I am.
But I am determined to fight those fears and move forward.
Be resilient and disciplined enough to walk in faith and in the things the most high has whispered to me in my prayers. Those were my initial words of the year, resilience and discipline but without faith they can’t stand on their own.
When LaShawn first shared her #EyecandyProject52 prompts, this one hit me right in the gut. It might be the first week’s prompt but I truly feel like it will be an anchor for everything I work on this year.
Me in the beginning. Begin again. #sixwordstory.
Can you relate?
susanFebruary 8, 2019 at 12:26 PM
What an inspirational and honest post. You have given me so much to think about for this coming year. It takes a lot to recognize and face your fears.