This Mama Monday’s post was actually written late Saturday aka Today I cried…
It’s been almost 7 hours and I still can’t get over what happened today. A beautiful spring day means I head outdoors with my girls. This is how it should be in my opinion and although at 32 weeks pregnant I am almost ready to pop, I make the effort to get fresh air and fun in for all of us.
First we stopped off at a children’s consignment sale. It was my first time and WOW! The things people sell brand new, tags still on is mind blowing. Glad I went.
After that we decided to head to the park. I love this park’s playground because there is a section for toddlers and another section for older kids. Sugar Plum Z is an ultimate swing fan. Seriously she would stay swinging all day. But other children are waiting and I am trying to teach her about sharing and playing nice. Today wasn’t good in that respect. She cried! LOUD! Uncontrollably! Shamefully… to me. But that comes with the territory with some kids and I accept it and try to work through it.
So if that’s not what made me cry then what did it?
Let me back up a bit. Upon leaving the consignment sale, Sugar Plum decided she wanted to run! And she’s fast. Remember I’m 32 weeks along so tortoise speed is what I’m
working with. Big Z caught up to her before I did. Now this happened in the church parking lot and there were no cars coming and
going. I talked to her about the danger but she thought it was all fun and games in her little two year old innocent mind. I understood.
Now to the crying incident…
We ventured to an Italian Ice spot with Mommy Week
and her crew. Not a busy spot for traffic although the main road is a few feet a way. Sitting there with Ashley and her kids, we were all enjoying our afternoon treat and suddenly Sugar Plum Z gets up and in a matter of seconds she is in the street! I mean seconds. Less than 5 more than 1! She didn’t even pause to get off the sidewalk. She bolted so fast I almost fell trying to go after her. I grabbed her so fast and popped her on her bottom while yelling “No” it was terrible. I was scared and angry and beyond emotional and I cried. I tried to hold it in but I could literally see her life ending in an instant and that was more than I could handle at the moment. So I reacted and I cried and I am crying now while sharing this.
Of course she was frightened but it was more my reaction than her understanding that running into the street is dangerous. But me… I was so hurt by the whole ordeal. How does something like that happen in a blink of an eye? Easy! Really easy!
People were looking and I’m sure judging but guess what? I don’t care. Yes I popped her and yelled. But I would rather deal with your stares and disapproval than deal with my child being seriously hurt or killed by a car. I’ve seen it happen and the threat is very real.
She is two. She will test the boundaries. She is curious and wants to be free and I am willing to let her learn almost all lessons without being punished. I am not an advocate for nor am I against spanking. I believe it is up to each parent so long as it doesn’t go to abuse. Now you can be the judge of what’s abuse and what’s not but I’m not here to debate that. I for one try to avoid it at all cost but up and running in the street is not one of those times. Seriously one second she was enjoying a cup of fruit punch flavored icie and the next she was in the street! Seconds not minutes. Not because I was distracted. Not because she was far away. In seconds she was moving faster than an Olympic sprinter.
The events of today really affected me and I pray this doesn’t happen again but for now I will forgive myself for not seeing the moment coming before hand. I will forgive myself for failing because truly I feel like I failed. I will stop crying and continue to grow as a parent. I will definitely be getting the double stroller people keep telling me I’m crazy for wanting. And I will be getting the safety book bag that some people refer to as a leash. To each is own but until you have a child that will run off, you will never understand how it feels to experience what I experienced today.
I knew very early on that Sugar Plum was the run off kid. I talked about the safety back pack with some moms last summer. Most were totally against it. Two were not. It funny because in “our” culture those back packs are seen as what the “other” parents do and I have no idea why. But for me, it’s back on my high priority list especially with Baby E to scheduled to arrive shortly. I don’t want to keep Z strapped in a stroller every time we go out but I also know who she is and how much I can handle so the back pack is a must.
Today I cried.