On Wednesday I survived pulmonary embolism again…
The pain has been there for at least the last 4 weeks. The nagging unproductive yet sometimes violent cough, shortness of breath, exhaustion, and to top it off the extreme loss of patience. I truly believe that last part was definitely a sign something was wrong. So here I am sharing that
I Survived Pulmonary Embolism Again…
But as many of us do, we continue on. Dare I say “we push through”. But let’s be real, there is no such thing as pushing through when you are barely holding on each day. When meals are short, cleaning becomes a whatever and the urge to have kids in bed at 4:30 in the afternoon is so loud you’re practically praying for bed time.
But I know these symptoms all too well which means my lack of action, my lack of self love, my lack of caring for myself can’t be seen as anything more than reckless. There are a thousand excuses we give for not caring for our health but they are all BS. If you happen to die in the midst of all of these excuses then who is at fault? Now don’t get me wrong, often times many of the symptoms I described above can be related to anxiety, depression and hell exhaustion from not sleeping because kids and trust I know this to be true. But I knew better and I waited almost too long. Sometimes we are truly busy taking care of our people to the detriment of ourselves. And of course there’s the whole ridiculous guilt (mom guilt or otherwise) that storm in when you take a few moments to check on yourself. I’m over the guilt ish.
Note: It’s honorable to care for yourself before you care for anyone else.
So once again here I am a survivor of a second round of blood clots. This time one in each lung with permanent damage to the lower part of my right lung which hurts more than the post c-section pain I’ve experienced twice. Hurts worse than a bum gall bladder, worse than the 7-10 days of mother nature’s “wrath” every single month. Worse than the week long migraines I’ve experienced since childhood. And I can’t help but wonder if I would have listened to my body, my sister, my besties, would I have this permanent excruciatingly painful damage? They say it will get easier. They said the same thing when I had my gall bladder removed and it has proven to be a lie.
But I survived pulmonary embolism again and that’s something I’m grateful to God for because my uncle did not have that option when a blood clot took him from us at just 40 years old. I’m 41. Let that sink in.
My grandmother didn’t have the option when the incompetent staff at the hospital overdosed her with the blood thinner that was suppose to help save her life. In almost an instant, my best friend was gone. My grandmother was my best friend.
But my aunt has survived this very thing multiple times and when she called while I was in the hospital I joked and said “I’m not in your room, I’m a few doors down”.
And then there is the beautiful queen Serena Williams who has not only survived pulmonary embolism but has lived her life abundantly regardless. Many people have said “oh you have what Serena had” and while that statement is overall true, I don’t know if her condition is exactly like mine. What I do know is she is still here just like my aunt is still here. Just like I am still here and many others like us. And there is a reason for that.
I’m looking on the bright side regardless of how I physically feel. I’m smelling my flowers now. I even took a selfie in the hospital because why not? Why not enjoy a selfie every now and then? If nothing else, the selfies are a reminder that I made it that day. And trust me I let the hospital staff know to get my heparin drip right because my Grand never got the chance.
I’m sharing this today because someone else out there might just be ignoring even the tiniest sign that something is not quite right. I’m begging you not to ignore even the little thing. You know your body. If it’s not right get checked out. And just like Serena said a few weeks ago “To all the moms out there, I was playing out there for you today and I tried”. I’m sharing for all the moms out there. It is ok to pause and make sure you are ok. It’s ok to not be ok, to seek help, and to keep trying.
My journey is far from over and I’ll share more including the fact that I discovered the very real unresolved trauma from my first round of blood clots. For now, I thank my family and friends for the prayers, calls, texts and visits. And above all, I thank God for giving me more days to be bigger, better, and brighter not only for myself but for my hubs, my children, and my loved.