I have a #BareMom confession: Breastfeeding is taking its toll on me! There I said it and I am not ashamed. Hear me out. I love and appreciate the fact that I can breastfeed this time around. I felt the guilt and devastation of not being able to breastfeed Zoë beyond six weeks. Read why here. But here I am with a healthy, exclusively breastfed baby boy I like to call Juicy E and I am feeling fatigued by this whole breastfeeding experience. Like ready to throw the towel in.
Ok I’m sure the breastfeeding saints are all lining up to give me a lashing but I don’t care. I get it “Breast is best” although my little guy picked up a cold, had a fever at 9 weeks old and fast forward to all most 16 weeks we are battling upper respiratory issues with TOO MANY MEDS! And yes I’ve tried all the natural remedies. But I digress. Breastfeeding is seriously hard work. It does not come easily or naturally for every mom or baby so save your righteousness for someone who cares!
I struggled with supply the first few weeks and seriously I would have divorced my husband after the big breastfeeding fight we had in the hospital. But I whipped out my home remedies list of how to boost my milk supply and got to work. After having to supplement Juicy for 7-10 days (I can’t remember because the haze of life with a newborn is real) there was no need for formula because the breast milk Gods touched me. I still had to stay on top of my supply because it wasn’t all milk and rivers around here.
So with supplementing came syringe then bottle feedings and he was fine with either. A hungry baby is a hungry baby. I was cool with that because he was in no way nipple confused and having someone else able to feed him was great for me the exhausted mom recovering from a second c-section, shooting myself up with blood thinners and wrangling a busy and inquisitive 2 year old. But Juicy E put the brakes on that small joy at about 6 weeks old. He straight up quit the bottle cold turkey. Add that to the fact that he was never much of a pacifier fan (seriously kid?) he ditched that right along with the bottle. Of course I consulted my loving (and not so loving) mom friends online and in real life. Some of you breastfeeding moms are seriously evil but I won’t go there today. Anyway most resources and people said it was a phase and some said their babies did that too and never looked back. Juicy never looked back.
Sigh! I’m tired, beat up and sometimes I just want him to drink from a bottle. Yes he looks so sweet and innocent while nursing and it cracks me up every time he smiles or burps without missing a beat on the boob but I would be lying if I didn’t share how draining breastfeeding is. It is EXHAUSTING, OVERWHELMING and HARD. And then add a
‘twonager’ two-year-old to the equation. Mama needs a break! If this is not your truth then my hat goes off to you.
I barely have time for Zoe and we all know two-year-olds need their time and then some. And then there is the Hubs to consider and just the thought of it all makes me feel like less than a mom and a wife. So Baby E, do mama a favor and enjoy one of these now 6 different bottles a few times per day. Thank you.
Stay tuned for more on my breastfeeding journey with Juicy E. How is/was your breastfeeding journey? I love to read stories from fellow moms in the trenches.